As a child I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness! I never felt that this religion was totally truthful! At the age of 14 I was thrown out of my parents house because I was smoking weed and using pills! I was very unhappy at home and dissatisfied with the beliefs I was being taught. My dad back then hated me! Even as a baby my Nanny told me she caught him slamming me on the bed! He didn’t want kids but my mother did! My mother and my Nanny And Papa loved me very much! My dad only loved my mother I don’t think he knew how to love us kids because he to was abused as a child!
So I left to live on the streets of Dallas! That was one of my biggest mistakes. I was taught there how to survive the streets by some really rough guys. They taught me how to roll drunks. I robbed drunks and stole anything I could to survive! One day I was starving and I went into a supermarket and stole some pizzas and was caught! I was taken to jail and the guard there heard my story and made me trustee so I could eat all I wanted and roam the jail freely! I’ve never forgotten his kindness!
I left the jail in search of the truth about God! I wanted to see Him face to face! I had Questions! So I began a journey for the truth! I went from church to church only to feel unsatisfied by their answers. They seemed fake to me and inside myself I knew these men were false to the very word they preached. I knew later that the Father was leading me but at that time I had no clue as to what the Father had in store for me!
I wandered for quite some time all over the streets of Dallas then one day I went back home and my mother wanted me to stay with them. Well for awhile I did. I home schooled for awhile but didn’t fare well at it. I couldn’t concentrate on my studies! I was however very interested in finding the truth that I was seeking. Again I was using drugs to ease the pain I was in emotionally. Again my dad kicked me out. I went to live in Livingston Texas.
One day I turned on the very God I was seeking out of anger and frustration! So I went to the library and checked out some books on Satanism and demonology. I learned from these books how to sell my soul to get what I wanted. So I set up an altar to the devil and summoned him. I wasn’t seeking fame, fortune, or money! I wanted revenge on my dad for all the pain he had caused me. So I sold my soul to the devil! A short while later I was laying in bed reading and something held me down to the bed. It was quite frightening and his breath was like ice and foul! I couldn’t move or speak at all. He never said a word but I noticed there were demons floating around the room! Then a white robed figure appeared and the demons attacked it with knives over and over. I couldn’t see its face but I knew who they were stabbing. He finally let me go and I ran till I couldn’t run no more! I stayed gone all night I was very afraid of what I had done!
The next day I took the books back to the library and on my way out I met some people in white robes preaching peace. Later on I took them to my house where they proceeded to tell me Jesus had returned to the earth. This peaked my curiosity because I had seen the vision of a man in a white robe. Naturally I wanted to meet this man they claimed to be the Messiah. I took off my shoes and I climbed on their bus and I disappear into the night!
We went to Austin Texas and along the way they taught me the keys to heaven! The keys were this! No killing or violence of any kind. We couldn’t even kill a mosquito! 100 percent vegetarian no milk, no honey, or anything that was robbed from animals! No sex at all even masturbation was considered evil! No materialism I owned nothing not even the robe they made for me. We walked barefooted at all times! Then one day John told me we were leaving the others to go on foot for my pilgrimage! So John and I began my journey to find truth! After about 5 yrs traveling with the family I finally was able to meet this messiah! Now we were allowed to smoke tobacco and weed because it grew from the ground. Now I had made it to the camp where I met Lightening Amen! (Jesus Christ) I was totally disappointed in what I had found! He was an old biker who I later discovered was having sex with the sisters and doing hard drugs and they began to carry guns and ride motorcycles. I took off and got as far away as I could from them!
Once again God let me down so I thought! This fueled my anger with the Father to a point where I would stand and cuss Him, daring Him to strike me down. In thunderstorms I would go out and stand in the pouring rain cursing Him and daring Him to kill me. I hurt so bad inside I would cut my wrist and take overdoses trying to kill myself.
I went to the mental institution over and over again for failed suicide attempts and acts of violence towards others. I hated men except 2 men, my friends who had stuck by me through all the madness. One day I decided I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I took 4 bottles of sleeping pills. My girlfriend at the time left her cellphone in her car, she never took it in the house. Now at the time I was practicing witchcraft., she was teaching me. She was a wiccan but I wanted the darker arts. I was pulled into something I wish I had never tried! I summoned a demon I wanted to make sure what I had seen before was real. Believe me my friends demons are real. My girlfriend couldn’t watch me destroy myself and left me! I was distraught and I loved her as I knew how to love!
So the day after I realized what I had become and decided that I was a blight on mankind. My evil had to stop and then I took the pills and downed them with water! I destroyed my evil altar and called her cell phone and told her goodbye. I didn’t tell her I took the pills or that I was killing myself! Before I knew it the police were at my door asking if I was alright. They saw the mess I made and at the time I had grown incoherent! I was foaming at the mouth and was getting sleepy. They knew what I had done and tried to convince me to go to the hospital. I refused grabbed my sword and told them to back off! The one officer told the other that they had to wait for me to fall unconscious before they could take me. Those were the last words I heard. I was in ICU for three days my lungs filled with liquid and I drowned but they revived me!
I woke up 3 days later only to find once again that I was still alive on this cursed earth. I was so angry I cursed the nurse and became violent. They called the Sheriff and they chained me from my feet to my hands and took me back to Austin State Hospital. I was there quite some time they tried to help me but the pain I felt inside just would not subside and I was angry with God and all mankind, I hated them all with a passion! After a few months they released me.
I tried many times through drugs to find God! I wanted to talk to Him! I wanted to know why He was punishing me! Well later on in my life I stopped using drugs and I stopped drinking. I guess with my head clear I could now research God and the truth about everything. No religion on earth could ever teach me what I was beginning to learn.
My life took a turn and I began to realize if there was demons and a devil then surely there was a God up there watching me! So I began to pray and I asked Him to reveal to me the real truth, not from the mouth of some so called minister or preachers or any man for that matter!
One day in Oklahoma I was living with my girlfriend and we got into a fight and she kicked me out. So I got a bottle of muscle relaxers I was saving to kill myself with because the Father hasn’t answered my prayers and I was to old and to weak to live on the streets again. So I had been in contact with someone I knew from my childhood who was an ex Jehovah Witness! I told her I was done seeking the truth that there was no God, No Truth, it was all just a big nightmare and no one cared. I told her goodbye and she told me that she could get me a place to stay on my own if I wouldn’t kill myself! I thought about it for a short while and I told her ok.
I got my clothes and my computer and left for North Carolina! I got my apartment and now I had a roof over my head. She fed me and help me get settled and began to teach me about the true Messiah Yahusha. I got on the internet and researched what she had told me about Him. I found that Gods real name was Yahuah in the ancient text and the real name of the Messiah was Yahusha! This felt right with me but wasn’t enough for me to give my life to Him I needed more. One day I was sitting here on my computer watching a movie and I heard a voice say: Be My Messenger! It sent chills all over my body but I said yes I will!
I knew that now the Father had answered all my prayers! He did love me after all. I had gone through hell to get to heaven and now my new journey had begun! I renounced Satan, forgave my dad and took off the curses I had put on him. My depression disappeared my desire to die had gone away! My rage, hate, and anger were gone now! I was happy and so filled with the Holy Spirit I began my journey to preach the Gospel of Yahusha! Now I have purpose and I will die with His Gospel as my last breath!
I started this blog and have gone from a very evil man to very good man. My only desire now is to please my Father in Heaven and my brother the Messiah! Yahusha!
If a man like me can be redeemed then so can you! Repent before its to late! Are we worthy of His gift? No we are not! When you go before the Father on the day of judgement you best be on your belly because its becuse of His mercy you will get into heaven! Will your name be in His book of life? Will it be in His book of eternal damnation!
Praise be to the Father and to Greatest Man who ever walked the earth!