Today so many are busy in their own lives to even help their neighbors! Fear is rampant now because of a virus but that virus cannot be blamed for the lack of love today. Before it ever appeared this world went to shit right before my very eyes! People no longer gathered together to have fun and play! The art of play is almost long gone!
I’m not against having a beer and sitting around a campfire with friends laughing and joking till all hours of the night! Some would disagree with the beer but everything in moderation! We use to go to the river and fish and at night we would build a campfire and tell our stories and jokes, we laughed till we couldn’t stay up no more! That was fun. If we needed each other we always ran to the person in need and helped or gave comfort!
Today on social media people see you hurting they tune you out! They no longer pray for you or even ask if they can help in any way! I just today expressed my feelings and right now I’m feeling very sad!
Those days i loved and cherished are now gone and its sinking in! I feel i will never again experience the closeness i once felt for my friends and I find myself wanting more and more just to pass away in my sleep, so i can go where I’m wanted! A place where there is no more sorrow or pain. It seems that pain has become my friend. It’s so frequent that I’m beginning to get use to it. I even think if it went away id miss it!
I’m not happy anymore, my joy has been striped from me! I love my Father in heaven but I believe He is very sad to that his children have no regards for each other anymore and there’s more hate than love! I know that this world is temporary but at the same time I’m ready to leave it! It’s no longer the place of fun and play! There’s no more fishing and camping enjoying the pleasure of my lost friends! No more laughing and just being silly!
Now I’m locked down which feels like forever to me! I long for the times i spent with my friends! I have no kids i just never could but I adopted many kids in my life! It gave me a chance to play with them but it wasn’t what i had hoped for! All my life I yearned for children i wanted a boy to play with and a girl to spoil! She would have been my princess and he would have been my buddy! That never happened and after awhile i gave up on my dreams of having a family and right now I’m glad i didn’t! This world is not for children! The love of this world has grown cold and not many will come to your aid and friends are impossible to find! No more campfires or fishing with my buddies! No more barbecues! No more nothing but sitting here alone on this computer doing the Father’s will. Don’t get me wrong i love serving the Father but He is always silent! Silence can be defining and sad!
So I just hope when I go to bed tonight, He will take me from this place because I’m beyond sad living here anymore! I want to play again and have fun and be able to laugh again! I want to be loved!
This is my prayer! I just want to die and go to my Father even just to hear His voice and feel His love all around me! To sit with my Savior and just talk! I want their love and I want to laugh again! I need this before I just die of loneliness and sadness! I would take my own life if the Father would let me!