Depression often will lead to suicidal thoughts and sometimes the person even will go through with the overwhelming urge to die!
I want all those going through depression to listen closely to what i’m about to tell you! There was a time in my life when depression ruled over me like a darkness you wouldn’t believe! Every day was a battle from sunup to sundown to find any reason whatsoever to live. I used drugs and alcohol to try and sooth the pain inside me but it only made things worse! I tried antidepressants but they to took me deeper into a darker world that surrounded me and bound me into a living nightmare! I couldn’t escape. Yes i had times when there seemed to be light but as quickly as the light appeared it was snuffed out by uncaring people who at the time seemed to be out to destroy me! Even when i was happy i wasn’t truly free of the darkness around me.
Even in crowds of people i felt so alone and lost. Then on many occasions as a cry for help i tried overdosing and cutting myself with razor blades asking for help but to no avail. My friends and family would just tell me to snap out of it but i couldn’t! It was relentless to destroy me and i couldn’t stop it! I resorted to worshiping the devil because i believed even God had abandoned me to my own hell. I talked to many counselors and psychiatrist explaining i was on a roller coaster in hell! I begged them to save me i cried sometimes for days on end till finally one day my girlfriend could take no more and left me. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back! I was done with this life there was no light at the end of the tunnel!
So i took 3 bottles of sleeping pills and i laid down to die! I felt a peace come over me as i started to fade then a knock came on my door and it was the police! Immediately they knew something was wrong! I guess my girlfriend called them to check on me, she knew from my past what i might do. They came in and tried to talk to me and wanted me to go to the hospital! Foam was coming out of my mouth they knew i wouldn’t last much longer so they waited! I refused so they waited till i passed out! Finally i achieved the peace i was searching for and i believed this nightmarish life was over.
They took me to the hospital but on the way i drowned in my own fluids and i died! They got me to the hospital and revived me. I woke up three days later to find once again i had returned to the nightmare i thought was behind me! I went off on the nurse and cussed her screaming why did you bring me back here. They called the sherrif and sedated me then took me away in chains to the Austin State Hospital where i was bound so i couldn’t hurt myself!
I was there for quite a while going through therapy and counseling. They had to let me go so i left and still i was depressed and wanted to die! Well i ended up in Oklahoma and wasn’t there long and i broke up with my girlfriend and again was losing my home so i sat one night after crying for days, i had a bottle of muscle relaxers hundreds of them in fact and was going to end this nightmare i lived in!
I had one friend left on this earth and it was very late i never expected her to be awake! I messaged her on Facebook and i was about to go to the ally and take all the muscle relaxers but before i could leave my seat i got a message back from her begging me not to do this! So i talked to her and she told me to hang on just a few minutes so i did! She message me back she had called her landlord and told him i needed a place to live and he said he had a place.
Well i got my clothes and my computer and moved to where i am now! Still i was depressed and often wanted to die! One night as i sat here i heard a very soothing voice say: Be my messenger! I knew this voice, it was so soothing and something inside me changed that night. Immediately i opened a Twitter account Tumblr and WordPress and even Pinterest!
Something began to take me over i began to type the Messages He wanted people to know! Sometimes i have no clue as to what i’ve typed until its done! The best part is my depression disappeared instantly and i was no longer suicidal! My life has changed but the one thing i didn’t expect was the fact that all hell would break loose in my life and everyone including my last friend would turn against me for the things He was teaching me! But now nothing or noone can take me down!
No Weapon Formed Against Me Will Prosper! Never again will i try to take my own life!
One night not to long ago, i fell into a deep sleep unlike anything i’ve felt before! I was taken to heaven where i met my Messiah and the Father! It wasn’t like what i had been told It was beautiful and the Father surrounded me with angels and animals of every kind just like described in Genesis the garden of eden. He opened His arms and embraced me and He said welcome home! The Messiah also did the same! I felt so good there, words can not explain how i felt and was very sorry i had to leave! Believe me i cried while i was there and for days after! But i know very soon i’ll be back where i truly belong!
The moral of this story is don’t give up hope! The Father will let you go through hell so one day you will go to heaven, forever to be loved by Him and Our Messiah Eternally!
Hang in there my friends there is a light at the end of the tunnel and also you will find a hand outstretched to pull you out of the darkness!
If you ever need someone to talk to just send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will be there for anyone who needs me and we will pray together that the Fathers Holy Spirit to come upon you and comfort you!
Now i am the light that shines in the darkness and the darkness fears me!